Hello, all. You may have noticed I haven’t updated this blog for a fair while. This is thanks mainly to a combination of it being Christmas, going on holiday, and having lots of other fabulously exciting things to do.
However, I became conscious that my regular reader would be missing me, so I invited, via the medium of Twitter, people to suggest things for me to write about to get me back in the swing of shit. Out of the literally hundreds of replies (or “at (@) replies”, to use the parlance of our times), I selected the suggestion of Fat Roland, whose words were exactly these:
“If you post a top ten(ish) favourite electronic music tracks / albums, I’ll link it from my blog.”
He didn’t put a smiley face on the end, thank God, or I would have immediately unfollowed him. Having accepted the challenge, I immediately realised that I have no real idea how to write about electronic music, tending, as I do, to write about other things almost all the time. And I also felt intimidated by Fat’s words, namely, to quote him:
“I’ll link it from my blog.”
Fat, in case you don’t know, is the über-lord of electronic music blogging. As such, I have spent the last 24 hours in a frenzy (often tearful), writing pages of drivel about each of the ten (ish) tracks I selected, before having to tear it up and start again, such was the inadequacy of my prose. In the end, I couldn’t go on, so I felt I had to enlist the help of legendary music journalist Gary Frotter (46), who worked on Muzik back in the “day”. He assisted me in coming up with some superb one-line descriptions for each track, which I reproduce below:
1. Baby Ford and the I-Fach Machine – Bad Friday
“Minimal echoey trance that sounds like someone throwing a set of magnetised woks at a giant radiator. In York Minster.”
2. Polygon Window – unnamed
“Squelchier than a combine harvester driving over a bouncy castle filled with worms.”
3. Speedy J – Kreck
“Rib-fracturingly hard techno.”
4. Moderat – Seamonkey
“Ultra modern like dubstep or some shit, kind of thing.”
5. Leftfield – Space Shanty
“Bubbly, yet banging. Like a partly-melted Aero, inside a kick drum, floating in a bowl of hydrochloric acid.”
6. Mike Flowers Pops – Debase (Soft Palate)
“More sym(cym)bols(bals) than a Dan Brown novel(12″).” [Not sure I quite understand that one - DQ]
7. Daniel Savio – Monkey P M P (video below)
“Literally indescribable. Like a condom half-filled with lumpy custard being flung at a Siamese cat as Alan Titchmarsh looks on.”
8. Lee van Dowski and Quennum – Lust Part 2
“Theme choon from a Venusian version of High Noon.”
9. Gui Boratto - Arquipélago
“If this is Brazilian (which it is) then I want a Brazilian (wax)!”
10. Gow – Nipperkin Noodle
“Proto-industrial acid house with a moderate air of brotherly indecision.”
11. The Field – A Paw in My Face
“Lionel Richie trapped inside a photocopier with only a vial of liquid ecstasy and a mild brain tumour for company. And that’s my kind of party.”
That’s it, Fat. I hereby claim my link.
(Damn. Forgot about Flat Beat by Mr Oizo.)
The Conversation {1 comments}
The descriptions sound like more sober versions of those try-hard Guardian Guide reviews
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