Words Dept.: entry

I’ve noticed a rash of new touchy-feely advertising slogans in recent days. It seems all products now have to revolve around us, as people (not just consumers), and how we engage with them on a deep and meaningful level. The message is that these advertisers aren’t faceless mega-corporations pushing out garbage to random, grabbing hordes of morons, oh no. On the contrary, they are humanistic, friendly and real. They are on your wavelength. They know you. By God, they are you.

First out of the trap was the Sunday Times and its new slogan “For all you are“. Gone is the stridently definitive (and memorable) former slogan, “The Sunday Times is the Sunday papers”, to be replaced some assonance-heavy psycho-babble that merges several syllables into a sleepy non-word. It’s a hit!

Orange, the mobile phone company, has since launched its similarly knowing “I am” campaign. If you Google “I am”, Orange is the first (sponsored) search result. The website elaborates:

I am who I am because of everyone. I am my mate who never speaks and the one who won’t shut up. I am my older sister and unfortunately my younger brother. I am all the girls I’ve kissed and all the ones I will.

I consider myself to be reasonably culturally savvy. I realise that you don’t need a big, heavy-handed pack shot in order to sell a mobile phone network. I’m not, you know, that old. But, really, this is bullshit.

Finally, and most amusingly, is Vision Express, whose new advertising slogan is “What would you like to see?” Just as Larry David considers himself a member of the “bald community“, I consider myself a member of the “glasses-wearing community” and this phrase appears to have been written by some patronising little tossbag with 20:20 vision.

What would I like to see? Well, my hand in front of my face would be a start. Believe it or not, I don’t wear glasses because I like to see things. It’s because, on a day-to-day basis, I need to see things. And the fact that it costs three hundred quid to buy glasses at Vision Express for that simple privilege simply adds insult to four-eyed injury.

Anyway, in honour of the new language of advertising, the tagline of this blog (top left) has today been changed to something more emotionally engaging. I hope you like it.