Coldplay: Private equity-backed fancy dress suckiness

Coldplay have started dressing like extras from Les Miserables. I saw them on Jonathan Ross last night; they were wearing vaguely military garb and seemed to have bits of flag tied around their arms. At least one of them was wearing a stupid hat.

I suppose it ties in with the artwork for their new album, which comprises an 1830 painting called “Liberty Leading the People” by Eugene Delacroix, with the album title Viva La Vida scrawled over it in the style of a political graffito (ooh, edgy!). But sorry to point this out: Isn’t the idea of a stylist decking a band out to match the “theme” of the album cover a bit, you know… naff?

You can imagine the thought process: The last album, X&Y, with its enigmatic, mathematical title and abstract artwork, was perceived as cold and mechanical. So this time, they’ve decided to go all emotional and heartfelt and they’ve raided the fancy dress box. This is what passes for creativity.

Aside from the music, which, from the two tracks I heard on telly, plumbs new depths of terribleness, Coldplay represent the axis at which rock and big business cross paths. “Private equity guitar music” adequately describes the genre.

Coldplay dressing up and “having fun” in the style of Parisian revolutionary (new) Romantics is not a convincing sell. It’s like trying to relaunch a Volvo estate as a cool choice of car or a job at McDonalds as a worthwhile career. It doesn’t wash. In fact, the whole contemptible enterprise is mesmerising for its piss-awful idiocy.

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