Words Dept.: archive

Here’s Sharon Stone spouting forth on the Chinese earthquake. Sharon, you see, is a friend o’ Lama and believes in, like, karma and shit.
I’m not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else… I don’t like that. I’ve been concerned about, oh, [...]

It will be depressing if the imminent destruction of the world is allowed to come about while Mondeo man worries about the cost of diesel, as the Guardian suggested yesterday. But at least another vaguely ethical issue seems to be rising up the media agenda like rubbish school dinners and free-range eggs.
I’m talking about the [...]

To Liverpool, where today’s Daily Post seems to have missed a football story of some minor European importance.

EVERTON youngsters are celebrating a fine tournament success after winning the under-13s girls Premier League Schools Tournament.
Represented by a six-a-side Broughton Hall High School from West Derby, Everton overcame Liverpool 2-0 in the final at the Madjeski Stadium.
More [...]

I was unfortunate enough to pick up a copy of the Mail on Sunday supplement Live from the seat of a train yesterday. I instantly regretted the act because it caused me to stumble across two of Britain’s smuggest men engaging in a feast of political name-dropping.
In the inside back cover is Piers Morgan, “Columnist [...]

I’ve just come back from Manchester city centre. The whole place stinks of piss. People appear to have been sleeping in the NCP car park on Oxford Road. There are empty beer bottles and pizza boxes strewn around between the BMWs and the odd empty bog roll on the ground. I suppose twenty quid for parking is cheaper than [...]

One thing that’s good about BBC iPlayer is that when you see something unusual on Newsnight, you can go and check that it really happened and that you haven’t just fallen asleep and dreamt it.
Last night, for example, I could have sworn I saw Jeremy Paxman flirting with a semi-articulate 20-year-old girl called Stacey. She [...]

Since Simon Cowell rolls his eyes and tuts like a bored suburban housewife following virtually every act that appears on Britain’s Got Talent (which his company, Syco, co-produces), why doesn’t he just piss off and do something else for a living?
Just a thought.
Similarly, am I the only person who finds it faintly disturbing when Cowell [...]

Slightly threatening “non-threatening” man in funny glasses calling women “girlfriend”, staring at their “bangers” (it means “tits”, rather than “sausages”) and bellowing in a hoarse voice while coercing them into stripping naked in front of two thousand strangers in the Arndale centre? It must be that Gok Wan, off of the Television, who has invented [...]

If Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Wankbiscuit Johnson wins today, would the last person to leave London please turn out the light? (To paraphrase the Sun.) Obviously, it would help with the carbon footprint. Not that Boris knows what one of those is.
How come only Londoners get to vote, anyway? It’s my London too! I’ve been [...]