Time for the new series of MasterChef (which is no longer called MasterChef Goes Large, for some reason). This is my favourite place to hear the mysterious phrase “plates of food” repeated endlessly for half an hour. It sounds like it should be Cockney rhyming slang. Plates of food = dude (or something). Sadly, it isn’t.
Gregg Wallace has recently become almost circular, which is perhaps appropriate for a man named after a pie shop. And what the hell is an “ingredients expert”? According to his Wikipedia entry Gregg’s a greengrocer-turned-TV-presenter. But that’s apparently not good enough for Husky Voiceover Woman.

Come on Gregg, let’s have some amusing catchphrases. It can only be a matter of minutes before he says he wants to “marry that dessert and take it home to mum”, or something equally sinister. You have to love the pastry fancying nutcase.
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The Conversation {1 comments}
His best thing is to gaze beatifically over his glasses as he munches on a ‘pudding’ (“Now, I’ve got a sweet tooth”) and whispers “Clevers bo-o-o-y,” like a sexually aroused Mike Read.
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