The “Don’t Slouch and Get A Spray Tan” Wonder Diet! (TM)
Saturday, 5 January 2008
I was in Tesco’s earlier, looking at the three-quid DVDs, and I couldn’t help but snigger at the covers of the latest exercise videos that no-mark female soap stars have brought out to cash in on the post-Christmas diet boom. Rather than going for a walk, or to the gym, it seems some desperate fatties feel more comfortable spending time and money indulging in the kind of activity that got them lardy in the first place - namely, staring at the effing television all afternoon and buying DVDs from the supermarket instead of lettuce.
Anyway, the formula for these DVD covers seems to be to take a “Before and After” shot, showing said celebrity looking thick-waisted, miserable and greasy on the left, contrasted with a grinning, chin-uppy, midrift-bearing shot on the right. Literally, every cover is the same. And there were two stand out examples.
The first was Natalie Cassidy, aka Sonia from EastEnders, who seems to have benefited from a spray tan in her “After” shot. Sonia has excelled herself by calling her diet the “Then and Now Workout”. Like, so if you were to do this diet, you’d look different now compared with like how you did then. Geddit?
But by far the most hilarious of the selection was Tricia Penrose, who is, or at least used to be, in Heartbeat. The picture on the left is just ridiculous. See how she slouches! Look at the glum expression! What’s she staring at? A Burger King 200 yards distant? The stylist really has taken leave of his senses here.
Tricia boasts: “I lost 2 stone and 9 inches from my waist with this workout.” She might also have added: “Before, I may have looked like a fat Davina McCall but at least my skin didn’t have the colour and light reflecting capability of a leather handbag.”
Pictures/buy from Amazon.
